Getting ready for that new little bundle of joy can be one of the most exciting times of your life.  What happens if you're not prepared though?  Sure you can buy rule books or read articles, but here are a few steps you can take to get yourself ready along the way.
    1. Get a rooster.  Put him right beside your bed at night to wake you from a dead sleep about every two hours...repeat. 
    2.  If you plan to nurse, get two pieces of fruit of your choice.  Anything from grapefruit to cantaloupe will do.  Put them in your shirt and make them leak.  While you're at it, punch them about twenty times until a slight breeze would make you cry from pain and then have your husband's eyes pop out at the sight of them.  What you choose to do next is up to you.
    3. Buy some yogurt.  Leave it on your counter for about two or three days, then open it and generously smear some down your hair, neck, shoulders and arms.  Drip some down your back for good measure.    
    4. Go stand in front of the mirror and apply mascara.  Gently rub your eyes so that there's a new shade of zombie gray/black that takes over your once refreshed look. 
    5. Along with the rooster, get some chickens.  Dip them all in various shades of paints, condiments and sticky substances such as glue, chewed bubble gum and toothpaste.  While you're at it, stick glitter shakers throughout their feathers then set them free to run around the house.  (Throw a couple in your car for good measure.)  Make your favorite chicken the one with an opened bottle of red fingernail polish in it's beak.  Trying to catch them is futile. 
     6. If you DO happen to catch the chickens, congratulations.  You're well on your way.  The next thing to do is to get on your knees and go around the house with a permanent marker in one hand and a pair of scissors in the other.  Every surface area that can't be cut should be drawn on.  This is a big challenge.  It's up to you to determine if it's hard or soft and that can be tricky.  I'll give you some examples...bedspread and curtains - soft, cut them.  Wall or furniture - hard, use the marker.  On rare occasion you hit the mother load and find something you can use both the scissors AND the marker on like, ohhhh say, cutting your hair and coloring your body.  Jackpot.
   7. Now that you have your rooster and chickens, go ahead and get a goat.  Ask one of your best friends to call you while you train the goat to ram it's head into your thigh intermittently with pulling on your shirt and pants with it's teeth.  Have the goat constantly bleat "Maaaaa, Maaaaa, Maaaaaa" to complete the trick.  Now that you're experienced in goat/phone etiquette,  use these skills whenever the phone rings.  It's the new Pavlov.
   8.  If you have a pet, they will get in on the fun too.  Begin to train them to prepare for baby by gently grasping fists full of fur and fiercely yanking for no apparent reason.  Pull on their tail and ears and chew on them a little while you're at it too.  Trying to ride them like a pony always seems to make them happy. 
    9.  Go to a sporting event where they have those guns that shoot t-shirts.  Take the gun back to your place and shove as much as possible inside.  Toys, bananas, diapers, socks, Legos (don't even get me started on the Legos).  Set a timer to shoot the gun off about every fifteen minutes.  Run around the house with the goat and the chickens, trying to pick things up while the phone rings - or better yet, have someone knock on your door.
   10. Finally, the last thing to help you prepare for a baby is to feel emotions that you've never known before.  Feel your heart swell as they grasp your thumb and smile with nothing but gums or ache when they turn two and have their first scraped knee.  When your four year old beams at you from the stage of their first Preschool play or your six year old whispers, "I'll love you forever and ever". 
    These are the things you must prepare for.  No rule book or article will ever provide justice.  
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    It's that time of year.  Between Christmas, New Year's and Valentine's Day, couples will be getting engaged and begin planning their weddings. 
    Recently, I overheard some people going on about the little things they didn't realize before they were married.  Everyone knows the "big ones"...i.e., religion, kids or no kids, dogs or cats...but what about the small things like, who sleeps on which side of the bed, or the age old "toilet paper debate" (over/under).   
    These are a few examples of the little things that can act as a prenuptial checklist for all of you lovebirds.  They may seem like small potatoes to you now, but they can be ohhhh so big.  For those of you who can relate to these with a smile on your face, feel free to add your own. 
    Let's start with the bathroom.
    1. Do you take baths or showers? 
    2. Do you take a bath/shower in the mornings or nights? 
    3. Who cleans the hair in the bath/shower or sink?
    4. Are there things (bottles) on the bathroom sink or in the 
      shower or should they be clutter free?
    5. If there's a shower curtain, do you leave it open or
      closed?
    6. Liquid soap or bar soap?
    7. Do you wash the towels after every use or go a few
      days? 
    8. Do you squeeze the toothpaste from the bottom/middle or
      roll it up?
    In the bedroom
    9. Do you tuck the sheets in or leave them loose?
    10. Do you like the room hot or cold?
    11. Do you have a TV in the bedroom and if so, who gets the
       remote? 
    12. Do you fall asleep to the TV/computer/cell phone or turn
       everything off?   
    13. Do you sleep on the side of the bed or in the middle?
    14. Are you a restless sleeper or a sound sleeper?
    15. Do you snore?
    16. If you have pets, do they sleep in your room/on your
       bed or do they have to stay out?
    17. Do you set your alarm for the time you wake up so it 
      goes off once - or do you hit the snooze button one
      hundred, thousand, million times?    
    In the Kitchen:
    18. Who cooks/cleans?
    19. Do you leave the dishes in the sink or do them right
       away?
    20. Do you clean the dishes before putting them in the
       dishwasher or do you put them in dirty?
    21. Is there a certain way to put the dishes in the 
      dishwasher or do you throw them in however they can fit?
    22. Do you replace the paper towels when they're done or
      leave the holder empty?
    23. If there's a little bit of milk/juice in the carton, do
      you finish it, throw it out or put it back in the fridge?
    24. Do you sit down to eat at the table or in front of the
      tv? 
    25. Do you eat ice cream out of the carton or put it in a
      bowl? 
    There are hundreds of other things to consider like who drives when you're both in the car, do you leave the keys in the ignition or take them in the house and of course, do you blast the music or keep it quiet?  Then there's the style of music to consider...rock, pop, country, classical, etc. 
    In the end, it shouldn't really matter if you match each other in every single category or differ in all aspects.  What's most important is this: Love is more powerful than all.
    No matter if you're a dog or cat person, or if you roll the toilet paper over or under...it's the little things that can drive you crazy, yes, but it's your love that will prevail.  Even when someone sets their alarm clock thirty minutes early, only to hit the snooze button a bazillion times every. single. morning...rest assured...Love will prevail.  
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         We hope you've had the Merriest of Christmases. 
          God Bless You and Yours.  Merry Christmas!

    Just in case you're in the mood for some AWESOME cookies today...here you go!  XOXO

                 Shortbread Cookies:
    3 Sticks of Butter at room temperature
    1 Cup of Sugar
    1 tsp. of Vanilla
    3  1/2 Cups of All-Purpose Flour
    1 Cup of Confectioners'/Powdered Sugar (for glaze)

    Mix the butter and the sugar together in a bowl until combined.  Add the vanilla.  Sift the flour and add it to the butter and sugar mixture.  Mix on low speed until the dough begins to come together...do not over mix.  Dump on a floured board and shape into a disk.  Wrap in plastic wrap and chill 20 - 30
minutes.
     Preheat the oven to 350*.  Roll the dough on a floured surface until it is 1/2 inch thick.  Cut into shapes.  Place on a baking sheet lined with parchment paper and bake 15 - 20 minutes depending on the size of the cookies.  The edges should begin to brown a little.  Cool on a rack.
    Combine confectioners' sugar with 2 Tbsp. of water to make a glaze.  Brush onto cookies and sprinkle with sanding sugar. 
Enjoy!

    When my husband was in the Air Force, it was hard for me to understand that when we went to the doctor, for the most part, we got what we got.  It didn't matter if you loved or hated the people from the front desk, to the nurses, physicians, check-out personnel, you had little to no options on who you saw.  Adam grew up in the military and knew no difference. 
    When he got out, it was neat for him to see how nice it was to pick and choose who you wanted to take care of you or your family.  If this doctor was a jerk, guess what?  You never went back to him.  If you adored your Pediatrician?  You hung onto them like glue.  The point being, if you're paying for someone's care, you'd obviously like to get what you pay for. 
    What happens when you're in a situation like braces though?  Our oldest son began going to an orthodontist some time ago to begin the initial stages of work.  To begin with, I had a hard enough time trying to deal with the fact that any orthodontist would want to work on a nine year old, but the more I asked around, I found out that this wasn't atypical. 
     Back in my day you had braces put on in Jr. High and had them taken off in High School.  Bam you were done.  There were no "phases" or "stages", just old school braces. 
     I can deal with the progress of technology and education for health and science, but it's still hard for me to swallow the idea of a NINE year old going to an orthodontist. 
     Regardless, as you can tell, this all started off on the wrong foot. 
     The sticker shock of how MUCH this retainer was going to cost was round two of my disdain.  As the kind woman who was in charge of finances calmly explained the cost and reasoning behind it all, I felt a pit of disbelief, anger and fear well inside as I tried to quickly calculate the thousand and some hundred dollars for the retainer, then the THOUSANDS more for the future braces, etc.  Multiply this by our younger three kids and you can understand the cause of my heart palpitations. 
     Okay.  Here's where the fun begins.  The bazillion dollar retainer is officially paid in full.  Nice, right?  Right.  The bad part though is that I really don't like the office where our son goes.  The women at the front desk talk about the patients or people as soon as they leave.  If they're on the phone with someone, as soon as they hang up, they begin to rant again.  I don't know why or how they don't consider the fact that people are sitting in the waiting room and we can hear them. 
     I actually can't say much about the actual orthodontist because I wouldn't know him if I saw him on the street.  Months ago, he was all interested and focused when he wanted our business but we haven't seen him since.  Our son checks in, he gets called back, he's gone for around 15 minutes then reappears with a file to turn into the rude front desk people.  It's awesome. 
     I don't expect the orthodontist to sit down for a cup of coffee or anything, but for Pete's sake - a status report, update, indication of any kind as to how things are going - would be nice to know.  I'm a therapist and I make sure that families know the progress of the people I work with.  Not only is it common courtesy and professional, it's what you're getting PAID to do!         The final straw happened today.  Our son's retainer broke in the back.  It was just a wire and no big deal but nonetheless, it broke.  I called to ask to come in because it bothered his cheek and they told me that we would have to pay for the repairs or replacement which could run upwards of $275.  Okay, I'm done.  You can't tell me that the little piece of plastic and wire for his retainer cost anything over 50 dollars worth of materials to begin with, let alone how simple it would be to fix it.  You want us to pay an additional cost of almost three hundred dollars for something we could solder together out in our garage?  You have lost your mind. 
      Needless to say, the kids got to see some Mama-rage this morning as I took off from work, took them before school and stormed to the stupid orthodontist's office to deal with the awesome receptionists and the phantom doctor. 
      Sure enough, they called Christian back and like clockwork, he reappeared within fifteen minutes with some young girl explaining how they fixed the wire and wouldn't charge us since it was easily done.  nice.  Still no doctor, still snarky receptionists and we were out the door.
      I'm glad in the end that we didn't spend more money on this place but if I had ANY idea of when his time would be complete for his retainer, it would be nice. 
      We now know to find a different office for the next umpteen years of braces for the four kids - and it definitely won't be here.  I'm just mad that we're already paid in full so if we leave now, we'll lose out. 
      So that's my rant for the day.  Life's too short to give your hard earned money to rude people who don't seem to care.  If they provide good service, pay for it.  If not, well then it's as simple as that snooty ladies at the front desk.  It's as simple as that.
       Please remember to Vote!  (I've had a bad day.)

    With Christmas not far away, you might need to get some last minute shopping done...or as I like to call it...shopping.  No matter how much you do or don't have left, you can't go wrong with the gift of a good book.  Three people I know who have written books, have great ones to offer.
    The first is from Leonard Critcher.  He is just about the most amazing person you could ever meet and he and his beautiful family reside in Texas.  He's already published two books with his third is on the way.  The first two are Drawing The Line and Crossing The Line.  They begin with Chris Carter who "during his freshman year in college longed for the simplicity of childhood, addressing each significant fork-in-the-road decision he faced in a black or white manner.  Free from parental rules and social moirés established by religious dictates, he is forced to deal with the quandary of a world wrought with gray alternatives, making it difficult to know where to draw the line.  Both books are available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble and also at www.leonardcritcher.com. Signed copies are available through this website.  His third book called, COVERING YOUR ASSets, is a business book that's coming out early 2014.  It deals with wealth preservation and asset protection strategies in a totally unique format.  Once released it will be available at the above and also on his new blog website, covering assets.com (not running yet).
    The second author is my friend Toddie Downs.  Toddie is seriously one of the most brilliant people I've ever known.  We met in graduate school and it was nice to find that she was as kind as she was smart.  She has written a beautiful book called Summer Melody about a "town called Daedalus Falls, where it's easy for the weight of wings to overwhelm.  But in the summer of 1992, three generations of women in the Stanton family realize untapped strengths that give them the power to soar. As her aging mother falls prey to the ravages of dementia, Bonnie races to make sense of both her past and present, discovering that the truth of long-buried family secrets has the power to destroy—or to heal. Her niece Meg, meanwhile, is planning a wedding to the perfect man—and then watching fear and uncertainty pull them apart. Finally, teenage Jane, turning away from the burden of family history, comes of age in a way she never thought possible as she learns to care for an autistic boy. Ultimately, all three women discover grace and truth within themselves and their common bonds in this story of love and hope. Summer Melody is a testament to how, in the face of tremendous challenges, family can bring us strength to survive, endure, and maybe even flourish."  You can find it on Amazon.com and also on her fantastic blog called, www.toddiedownswrites.com. 
    The third book is from a wonderful blogger named Robin Kramer.  She writes an outstanding Mommy Blog called, Pink Dryer Lint at www.pinkdryerlint.com.  Robin's book is called Then I Became a Mother and it's "an uplifting read for moms in all stages of motherhood. As one reviewer writes: “If you are an expectant mother, you should read it and take notes. If you are a new mother, you should read it and take comfort. If you are a ‘seasoned’ mother, you should read it, take a walk down memory lane and then, take action to help other mothers you encounter.” Every mother deserves to enjoy, not merely to endure, those brief years when she gets to be "Mommy."  A video link for Robin's book is, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5cPBSoJqlhU and Then I Became a Mother is available on Amazon.com.
     Happy reading and Merry Christmas! 
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    As Christmas break quickly approaches, it's important to spend some study time with the kids so they won't lose too much information to their time away from school. 
    Take for instance, our son and his Kindergarten work.  He's learning how to read and write this year and I definitely don't want him to fall behind. 
    I mean, it seems that the seams of his reading skills would be a waste - if his waist held nothing but his light saber all winter long.  It might grate on his teacher's nerves if her great lessons had the brakes put on over break. 
    He sometimes complains that learning to read and write is confusing but I can't understand why.  Before the four of the kids were ready for school, we read books until our eyes were red.  We loved everything from books that were plain, to books about planes with bears that bared their money and cents to have sense to buy scents that were pretty.  Knights in the night with daring feats on their feet were always a favorite to read too.
    Yet still, it's hard to understand why it's confusing for a little boy to see in this sea of writing and reading.  
    In the sun with our son just yesterday, he blew his blue balloon in the air and we smiled.  The heir to our family, he'll make us proud and be a dear to a deer or maybe one day even have won a spelling bee or whatever will be.  
    But for now it's past eight and he's passed out since he ate a hole in his whole plate of dinner.  With his full belly groan it was cute when he'd grown some stares up the stairs from the cat.  
    So this Christmas break, we'll put on the brakes from the Star Wars games just a little.  For when school starts next year, how his teacher will hear how it's here that he learned just a smittle.    
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   As we were sitting at the table last night, our four year old daughter innocently announced between bites, "A boy kissed me at school today."
   You know that whole screeching record sound that leads to complete silence and shock...ummmm yeah...add that here.
   The three boys dropped their jaws - food and all - as I immediately turned my gaze towards my husband Adam. 
   Now personally, I think it's kind of cute.  I love the sweetness of the little ones and their loving hearts.  As Adam's face turned a strange shade of reddish - purple though, I knew he didn't quite share in these sentiments.
   "WHAAAAT?  WHO kissed you?!"
   Lauren's eyes widened and she whispered, "A boy."
   As Adam's fists began to clench, he tried to calmly continue, "Lauren, I KNOW it was a boy, but where did he kiss you?" 
    She smiled at him through a giggle, "At school Daddy!  I told you it was at school!"
    Her three big brothers tried to keep from laughing and I had to put my head down.  It wasn't funny at all to Adam, but I had no idea how hard it would hit him.  You could literally see the wheels in his head turn as I'm sure he was trying to figure out how to get our Kindergarten son, who has class across the hall from her, to get a posse together to take this Preschooler out.   
    Shooting him a look, I pointed my finger at him and mouthed the word, "Stop", calming him down a little.  Not only did it surprise me at how ridiculously furious he was, but his reaction somewhat ticked me off as well.  If one of the boys would have had the same announcement at dinner, Adam would have all but fist pumped him right then and there. 
    So there it was.  Her first kiss.  (It was on the shoulder by the way.)  Why?  Who knows.  I guess because they're FOUR years old. 
    Regardless of where it was or who it was from, I'll never forget Adam's reaction to his baby girl's first sort of kiss, and I'll have to say, I'm a little worried for the future.
    Come to think of it, I actually think I hear him upstairs right now holding a Bible and cleaning a shotgun. 
   God help us all.

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    I'm stressed.  There are less than 15 days until Christmas Eve and I'm totally stressed.  I'm usually more ahead of the game by this point but who knows what happened this year. 
    Our tree is up and the decorations are done but it's not that.  I'm stressed because we haven't gotten our shopping done.  No Christmas presents, toys, gifts...HOW are there less than 15 days left and we're so far behind? 
    I know some people who are not only done with their shopping, but their gifts are actually wrapped and ready to go. uggggggg...I'm so far behind. 
    Christmas isn't about the presents or how much you give/get, but I still want the kids to be able to have what they've hoped for on Christmas morning.
    I'm learning that it was easier when they were younger and the tree was surrounded with huge toys that were big and bulky for toddlers.  Now...thirty dollars will get you a tiny little game for their Nintendo DS that barely looks like anything under the tree.  It feels like we're spending more and getting less. 
    I need to get on the ball and start shopping.  I think next year I'll start in September.   
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            I'm going to go eat some chocolate. 

     You have to love a man who is willing to stay home with the kids.  You can't always predict what will happen, but it's guaranteed to be something.  Take for instance a couple of years ago on a summer evening when I was at work.  
     "How much Tylenol is too much?"
     "What?"
     "HOW MUCH TYLENOL IS TOO MUCH?!"
     This what I heard through my phone.  My husband Adam was done with his day so when he came home from work, we high-fived and switched out.
     After spending the day with four monkeys, it's nice to go to work to be able to focus on one thing at a time.  In the back of my mind though, Adam and the kids are always there...and we all know what kids are capable of.  I don't care who you are, it's impossible to be in four different places at one time - and that's usually how the fun begins.   
     Hence...the phone call. 
     "Okay.  What do you mean with the Tylenol?"
     "I don't know.  The kids were all downstairs and Preston went upstairs.  I went up to get him and he was standing in our bathroom holding an empty bottle of Tylenol with a smile on his face.  I smelled him and he smells like freaking grape candy." 
     "I'm on my way."
     Flying out of work, a thousand thoughts gutted me.  How much did he drink?  How much time did we have?  Would they pump his stomach?
     Getting home, Adam had all four kids in their car seats ready to go.  I jumped in and we flew to the E.R.  He took the bottle with us to show the doctor.  Turning the bottle, I found the 1-800 number and called it as Adam sped. 
     A cool voice responded to my panic.  "Ma'am, even if he drank the entire bottle, it's not going to kill him.  You said it was a small bottle right?"
     "Yes."
     "He'll be fine.  He might be tired, but he'll be okay.  You're not even sure how much he took?"
     "No.  He just smells like grapes and he's smiling."
     Hearing her try not to laugh on the other end, the woman reassured us that it would be alright.
     Slowing down a little, Adam shot a look towards me.  "What do you want to do?  Do you still want to go or is it safe to head home?"
     Turning around, I looked at our slap happy son who was around four years old at the time. 
     "Preston, HOW much did you drink?"
     "I don't know, but it was good."
     -nice-
     We decided to call ahead to the E.R. and they said to monitor him and bring him with signs of vomiting, etc.   
     Heading home, it was one more unnecessary reminder of how crazy fast things can happen.  Which brings me to last night...
     I met up with the girls from work for our Christmas dinner and gift exchange.  Getting a text from Adam, I looked down to read this. 
     "There's a bird in our house."
     "A WHAT?"
     "A bird.  It's in the Christmas tree now but it keeps flying around the house."
     "WHAT?!"
     "I'll tell you when you get home.  I'm still trying to get him out and the kids are running around like it's a monster.  I gotta go." 
     Yes, you have to love a man who is willing to stay home with the kids.  You can't always predict what will happen, but it's guaranteed to be something.
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