I grew up in Southeastern Ohio, surrounded by the foothills of the Appalachian Mountains. Autumns were painted by the hand of God, with leaves soaked in gold, fire, and pumpkin spice covering the land. Winters and Springs were just as magical in their own right. Snow sparkled under moonlight, only to fall so deeply that by morning it was up to our moonboots as we trudged to the bus stop each day. If you don't know what moonboots are, look them up. They were everything.
I grew up with chickens, a garden, the neighbors behind us through the woods had horses and a pond where we'd ice skate through the winter and swim in the summer, oh the summer...
In the 80's, summers were different. Our parents would send us out of the house only to come back in due to blood or bones. The girls I grew up with, Tricia, Amy, Kristie, Bobbi Jo, Marcie, Michelle...we all lived throughout the same woods/area and spent endless summers running from house to house, laughing at everything and nothing at all. If we were lucky, we'd have a dollar or two between us to scoot into the little gas station down the hill called Milky's. It was Marcie's grandpa's place. His name was Pig and I vividly remember surviving entire 90 degree days on our bikes with nothing but cans of ice-cold pop that cost a quarter and candy bars being around the same price.
Every morning of my life began with the alarm clock of our rooster crowing out back, only to end the day with my windows open for the breeze, fireflies as my nightlight and crickets in their lullaby.
Now raising four kids of our own, I literally couldn't imagine them spending a day like this. I know it's a different world, a different time, but it's more than that. I'm different, too.
Not that I want to helicopter parent, but I can't fathom letting, let alone encouraging my kids run all day. I talked with my parents about it years ago, wondering why they thought this was and my Dad gave me one of the best pieces of parenting advice I've ever heard, and I've tried to apply to this day.
"Raising a child is like horseback riding" he said over a cup of coffee.
"Wait, what?"
He explained, "When you're holding the reins, if you pull too tightly, the bit in his mouth will hurt and control the horse too much, he will fight you. You'll have a constant battle on your hands as his anger will focus on forcing you off, bucking you or breaking free by any means possible.
If you let go of the reins altogether, the horse will run free. You'll have no control over him and he'll lose you and your guidance, only to get lost, possibly and probably into harm's way.
The best way to ride a horse is by holding the reins so there's a balanced combination of freedom and lead. Let the horse wander, run, explore, but if you see there's danger ahead, a snake, cliff...your job is to pull the reins and guide him into safety. He should trust you and you should trust him. The balance should hold throughout each path and stage of the ride.
This can be hard to navigate sometimes as every child is different. Yes, our kids have grown up with structure and rules, but we try to give them the ability to be independent and free.
There's nothing more telling and evident of this than when they leave the house. Sending two sons off to college now, somedays I find myself glued to my phone checking on them, while others having no idea if they're in the country. I am still trying to learn the balance of how to parent, even when they're no longer home.
At the end of the day, sometimes I want to hold tightly to the reins for each of our kids. Our 16 year old son and his driving, our 14 year old daughter and teen drama, 18 and 20 year old sons who are out of the house...I need to remind myself to ease up and give them slack to find their way through the good, bad and everything in between.
Before I know it, they'll take their own paths without our guide altogether, choosing each decision while carrying with them my hope that we've raised them well enough.
I pray now and until then, they'll hold that balance of faith, direction and guidance, all while having the spirit and heart with a passion to run like the wind.
I grew up with chickens, a garden, the neighbors behind us through the woods had horses and a pond where we'd ice skate through the winter and swim in the summer, oh the summer...
In the 80's, summers were different. Our parents would send us out of the house only to come back in due to blood or bones. The girls I grew up with, Tricia, Amy, Kristie, Bobbi Jo, Marcie, Michelle...we all lived throughout the same woods/area and spent endless summers running from house to house, laughing at everything and nothing at all. If we were lucky, we'd have a dollar or two between us to scoot into the little gas station down the hill called Milky's. It was Marcie's grandpa's place. His name was Pig and I vividly remember surviving entire 90 degree days on our bikes with nothing but cans of ice-cold pop that cost a quarter and candy bars being around the same price.
Every morning of my life began with the alarm clock of our rooster crowing out back, only to end the day with my windows open for the breeze, fireflies as my nightlight and crickets in their lullaby.
Now raising four kids of our own, I literally couldn't imagine them spending a day like this. I know it's a different world, a different time, but it's more than that. I'm different, too.
Not that I want to helicopter parent, but I can't fathom letting, let alone encouraging my kids run all day. I talked with my parents about it years ago, wondering why they thought this was and my Dad gave me one of the best pieces of parenting advice I've ever heard, and I've tried to apply to this day.
"Raising a child is like horseback riding" he said over a cup of coffee.
"Wait, what?"
He explained, "When you're holding the reins, if you pull too tightly, the bit in his mouth will hurt and control the horse too much, he will fight you. You'll have a constant battle on your hands as his anger will focus on forcing you off, bucking you or breaking free by any means possible.
If you let go of the reins altogether, the horse will run free. You'll have no control over him and he'll lose you and your guidance, only to get lost, possibly and probably into harm's way.
The best way to ride a horse is by holding the reins so there's a balanced combination of freedom and lead. Let the horse wander, run, explore, but if you see there's danger ahead, a snake, cliff...your job is to pull the reins and guide him into safety. He should trust you and you should trust him. The balance should hold throughout each path and stage of the ride.
This can be hard to navigate sometimes as every child is different. Yes, our kids have grown up with structure and rules, but we try to give them the ability to be independent and free.
There's nothing more telling and evident of this than when they leave the house. Sending two sons off to college now, somedays I find myself glued to my phone checking on them, while others having no idea if they're in the country. I am still trying to learn the balance of how to parent, even when they're no longer home.
At the end of the day, sometimes I want to hold tightly to the reins for each of our kids. Our 16 year old son and his driving, our 14 year old daughter and teen drama, 18 and 20 year old sons who are out of the house...I need to remind myself to ease up and give them slack to find their way through the good, bad and everything in between.
Before I know it, they'll take their own paths without our guide altogether, choosing each decision while carrying with them my hope that we've raised them well enough.
I pray now and until then, they'll hold that balance of faith, direction and guidance, all while having the spirit and heart with a passion to run like the wind.
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